Only a mothe r could love this liver
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
It may not have seemed like it to you, but I was very sad that I was cheating on my GF with you. I was crying on the INSIDE.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
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