call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Text me some of your sweat
Randomize
