We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
