I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
my phone calendar just alerted me that it's "weed time" in 15 minutes. do not remember setting that alert last night...
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
You didn't throw up on me, you threw up on yourself and then tried to give me a hug
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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