Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
