Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
