a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
Just figured out why my bed smells like weed: I just found a bowl in my pillow case?
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I touched a dick in church today
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Also I found $40 in the women's bathroom at ihop. Karma is finally kicking in!
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