I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
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