a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
Randomize
