New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Pregnancy confirmed. Complete emotional instability achieved. I just cried through 95% of Avatar.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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