thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
I loved your drunken rendition of "I wanna dance with somebody" that you left on my voicemail last night.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Randomize
