I think your x's eyes are broken his new girl is so hit
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
at wine tasting. Can i cleanse my Palate with a frito?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I seriously think I may just have to live here. In this bed. Naked.
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Randomize
