I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
I was going down on her and she started whistling "Whistle while you work." I'm in love.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
