no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
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