google image searching george stephanopoulos at 1 AM on a saturday night...once again
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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