Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
Randomize
