I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
