i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I need moral support for this bender
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
