also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Just saw a cop issuing a DUI. At 3 pm. It's definitely the start of winter break.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Same I threw up in 3 different cities already today
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
Randomize
