He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
Randomize
