How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
I already wrote the apology to my liver. He knows whats up
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
When do you think the murder is going to happen in this Lifetime movie of ours?
Randomize
