I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
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