i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
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