Dont touch anything! You just got rid of your crabs!
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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