farters have to be the big spoon...
there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
I just heard these 2 kids from flint and Detroit arguing over whose economy is worse... It's really sad what passes for competition in Michigan these days
No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
It's like those toothpaste commercials where 4 out of 5 dentists would recommend your vagina
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
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