When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
ugh the "ive seen you naked on the internet" look is really getting tiring
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
I remember having the weirdest thoughts and thinking our room was a compass and we were in the compass or something.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Randomize
