a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
she was pooping while we were on video chat. new level of love.
apparently they wrote a song entitled "butt slut" about her... im thinking shes not girlfriend material.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
Randomize
