I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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