Where did you get a picture of my penis
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
There is a reason my most meaningful relationship since 2012 has been with Duracel...
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
