If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
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