It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
So Doritos and vodka was obviously not as good an idea as I thought at the time.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
YOU DONT EAT A GIRL OUT AND THEN GO PUKE ASSHOLE
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
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