When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Randomize
