i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If I had feelings, you would have hurt them.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
I say camping because "let's go get hammered in the woods" sounds kinda fucking weird to be honest.
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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