When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
Randomize
