it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
