I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Before you ask, yes. Whatever you're wearing IS too slutty for his mom's funeral.
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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