Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
Randomize
