Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
So much to do, haven't done anything except hook up with sailors and work on my tan.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Randomize
