The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
There's a mirror laying face down next to me. A looooong full body mirror. By the looks of it it fell off the wall last night and was within centimeters of shattering on my head. Awesome.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
Randomize