I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Some mysterious chinese delivery man dropped off 2 free egg rolls. Clutch
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
Did you send me a cake saying 'Happy 1st One-Night Stand Ever'?
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
Randomize
