Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
and you said cock pushups were impossible
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
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