Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We did like every position then did it again this morning. Something about him being the little boy i used to make sand castles with just made it way hotter.
well done
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Randomize
