I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
