TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I just fuked with kevins application and made it say that he does conjugal visits for community service
hey some people donate their time while apparently kevin donates his body
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
