found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
Nicole, you can't keep coming over at 3am wanting to build igloos.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
He's an acquired taste, like S&M or those crunchy things they put in salads
Croutons?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Is there like a dick file on me? Guys can't hold two dicks anymore?! Who are you people????
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
