I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Dude... the time we have in life to be young and trivial is so incredibly short. I think we should drink tonight.
Randomize
