Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
i just got the best bj of my life in the pastors office at church.. Youre right jesus really does love me.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i feel like pizza bites are my only friend right now
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
Randomize
