My goal for the party is to get everyone in a diaper. Reasonable?
Suite mates just came in and said that we have to go to Africa. They're already packed. Didn't know you could get that high.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I butt dialed her mom while cheating on her. Needless to say Christmas will be awkward.
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Idk, apparently drinking five Four Loko's and trying to fight a mailbox constitutes disorderly conduct.
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