I woke up this morning in your mom's car... any ideas?
is it wrong that i plan on stealing a few pipecleaners from my preschool classroom to clean my bowl?
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
after last night my drinking related hospital bracelet collection is up to 13
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I spent most of my night in the men's room eating popcorn on the garbage can conversing with strangers pissing
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
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