White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
BEHOLD THE MORNING PIGEON
SANCTIFY THE CHALK TADPOLE
THERE IS NO SOBRIETY. ONLY ZUUL.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm resourceful. I forgot we don't have coca cola so now I'm drinking Jack & Dew or Mountain Daniels. Also, I haven't decided on an official name yet for this drink. I'm leaning toward Jack & Dew
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
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