she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
organizing the empties. That sober.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
