My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
she got pretty angry when i tried to superglue her fingers together.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Tough to be a good wingman when you puke on yourself and everyone w/in a 5 ft radius at the FIRST bar we go to so don't tell me to step my game up
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
please tell me you're in jail and for some reason they have wifi
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Now that weed is legalized There needs to be reusable bags for people to pick up with. All this plastic is so bad for the environment and a waste
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize