I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
You took my girl thats shot the Fuck out. You better watch your skinny ass.
That's barely a sentence. Who's your girl? I think you've got the wrong number. I haven't even lived in Alabama for 4 years.
Yeah, I do, I'm sorry. I meant 205 not 256. sorry about that.
Good luck with your revenge in Birmingham.
I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Everclear isn't food dammit
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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