dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize