Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
no. 1 rule of bromania: no females
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
But, if I start dating you brother, I can't talk to you about the sex anymore!! Like... Can we talk about it anonymously?! I just won't use his name.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Randomize
