Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Apparently 'ewww' is not the correct response to him saying he has to go to a funeral while I'm there.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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