She just asked me if I was going to kiss her cat goodby too... This is why we don't stay till last call.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
You gave your one night stand my number. I told him you left for your sex change an hour ago.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
she said she was so hungover this morning in a way that sounded like she was apologizing for thinking she was attracted to me last night...
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