Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Just break the ice by asking who had to take plan b this past semester
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wait, there's no way I said I would suck his dick. I know drunk Katie.
No, you told him to suck YOUR dick.
See now that sounds like drunk Katie.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
Randomize
