final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
Blind date just said "Can't wait till I'm married so i can let myself go". There will be no second date.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I'm not saying we can't have sex tonight, I'm just saying we have to work it around Lost.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I could hear it slapping against his thighs under the robe!!!!!!!!! You are a lucky girl!
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