oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
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