i think my mom watched the whole time
So we've decided on 'hamburger' as your code for tonight. If you add ketchup or fries, we know the threat level has escalated.
apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Nothing like banging your nurse in the shower while staying in the hospital
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
