This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
it was beautiful and magic like when a hot girl grabs her own tits and smiles at you
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
If you're still on campus there's a jack and coke in the bathroom of fondren science Bldg. Too strong to bring to class.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
