I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
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