I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
after sex he fell asleep with his water bottle in one hand and his dick in the other at 6pm. I'm a winner.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
Randomize
