My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i think i scared a bird with my dick
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
