Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Why have her stay eight hours when I only last eight minutes?
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
I assume you passed out however I'm drinking jäger and beer in bed with my cat so your friendship world have been appreciated
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
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