i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
Randomize
