I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Four minutes until I can fart!
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
