I can feel you judging me through the phone.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
after last halloween when i met that 26yr old guy from russia who was hot until we madeout and he became obsessed with touching my forehead after the ecstasy he did and then tried to sell me pills from an m&m mini container, i think im staying away from parties downtown
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
