I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
