Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Randomize
