i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
Im am drinking whisky alone in my parents basement. I think I just watched the point of no return stroll by.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
Pretty sure I got at least one girl to question her sexuality at the Christmas party last night
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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