I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
I understand Curling. That high.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
I'm 99% sure the Indians were high for thanksgiving and we should respect that by getting high too
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
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