Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I put my bosses number in my phone as "Do not call," I shouldve known my drunk curiosity would overcome any desire I had to keep my job.
again?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
its liver damage thursday
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
Randomize
