Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
she wanted to watch hairspray while we fucked. she's obviously your kinda girl, dude.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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