I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
you can't tell me it's over and send me pics of you and your cat?
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
