I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
Do you remember trying to eat gravel when we were walking back to the dorm?
No its cool I don't even have to do anything he is rapping to one of the strippers. He is punishing himself enough.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
At the bar. Madeline and I totally brought our own pitcher from home because they always run out. Hello alcoholism.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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