It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Randomize
