pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
