I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
You had the nerve to crowd surf to your own bedroom.. I guess watching Aladdin high was probably the best idea ever
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I'm sittin in my Hawaiian shorts watching the office eating cold asparagus. wow do I suck when you're not here.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize
