The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
