no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i could have sworn she did an overextended split with her legs over her head but now i think it was just the drugs
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
you were on a whole other level. you went home with him because he said "you got some light ass eyes"
Hey do u remember the time we used my mascara wand as a drink stirer?
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