she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
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