Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
