my vag is so smooth its legendary
it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
Tell me why I'm at Target and this entire Spanish family is crowding around the condoms questioning which ones they should get
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In case you're wondering what I'm doing, I'll be banging an 18 year old this weekend. Repeatedly.
I think one of my ovaries is committing suicide. But that is a topic for another day.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
