I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Girl, we were harassing people from the top of a building. I don't know how I got down, but I'm eating chocolate cake in my kitchen. Sall good yo.
I actually feel a twinge of sadness recycling all of our handles... I feel like I'm throwing out some great memories or lack of them because we don't remember
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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