I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize