The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
