Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
We'll cross that bridge when we come to it... Or burn it. Either way we'll deal with it later
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
I look excited, but its just a facade.
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
