Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Well, I got drunk and told my family about what I expected sexually after a good first date.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Randomize
