In the future we'll all be gay
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
We're too hungover to prance.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
