stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
Randomize
