between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just watched nsync videos for the past half hour and you could totally tell lance bass was gay in all of them
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
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