Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
You may now shotgun with the bride
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
