i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Would jacking off with Benadryl cream be good or bad for the poison oak on my dick?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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