I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Randomize
