Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
You can't spell "party" without "RA."
You know what else you can't spell it without? "Gonna get fired."
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize