I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
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