I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
We smoked bowls and watched Cops for what seemed like hours. And yet I know I'll go back.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
Randomize
