Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
you made out with another girl for some wings
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
I'm still drunk, my mom is throwing up, and there is a random Irish guy out getting our house breakfast right now. Wednesday's are my bitch.
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
Shame - the story of my life.
Randomize
