can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Dude, you can't drink while watching Star Trek. You hardly understand it sober.
It's an alien shaped cup though. i think that'll help me absorb.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
Randomize
