I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
