Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize
