paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
